I like to think of myself as a sensible human being. I'm semi-intelligent with what I would think to be a good head on my shoulders. Yet I do things that even I cannot make sense of, things that if I saw someone else doing it I would have to fight the urge to smack them upside the head.
One of the biggest things that I do is agonize. When I say agonize, I mean I agonize over everything; what to wear, what to eat, what my house looks like, the fact that I haven't managed to accomplish this or that. I spend so much time agonizing that I have realized if I would put half of that time into finding a solution to whatever problem I'm having, the problem would be solved in no time flat.
Take for instance, my house. It will be a horrible mess and I will wake up in the morning, knowing that it needs cleaned. First I have to "wake up" before I do anything so I drink my coffee, watch the news, stretch, get dressed...whatever for about half an hour, forty five minutes. Then I take my medicine and of course need another half an hour to let it "kick in". Then once it is kicked in and my mind "working" I sit down and make a list of things that I need to do, then I make lists within lists and so on and so on. By then I look at the clock and freak when I see that three hours has passed and I have accomplished nothing. I then grab my trusty lists and re-work them to make up for the time I lost making lists. Once that is complete I get up and get to work on the first task, making short work of it. But then my medicine has worn off...time for another dose....time to wait for it to kick in....damn it, time for the boys to get home. Now I spend the rest of the night in a bad mood AGONIZING over all of the stuff that I didn't do only to start it all over the next day...another list...another war within my head.
I wish that I knew how to take care of the problem...I suppose admitting that I have it is the first step...go me.
I suppose that this post is going nowhere...just needed to rant I guess. Perhaps instead of spiraling into depression tonight I will do something constructive...surf the web at least and see if I can find a cure for my particular "issue".
My friend, you HAVE taken the first step, and I think if you reread this you may even see that you have started down the road towards a solution ... or one of many? And though you do agonize over some things that you either need not or should not, you do because they are important to you. At any rate, know that you have a shoulder to cry upon, ears that will listen, and a heart that loves you like a sister!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried making your to do list the night before? You can have some time to edit it in the morning, if anything changed overnight, but that would cut a lot out of your morning, and get you moving faster. You could even work listing time into your to-do list each day.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing to try is to find a way to cut the agonizing. A way to trigger your "happy place". Think of things that make you smile and make you happy, and see if that won't cut the agonizing short so you can get back to it!