I like to think of myself as a sensible human being. I'm semi-intelligent with what I would think to be a good head on my shoulders. Yet I do things that even I cannot make sense of, things that if I saw someone else doing it I would have to fight the urge to smack them upside the head.
One of the biggest things that I do is agonize. When I say agonize, I mean I agonize over everything; what to wear, what to eat, what my house looks like, the fact that I haven't managed to accomplish this or that. I spend so much time agonizing that I have realized if I would put half of that time into finding a solution to whatever problem I'm having, the problem would be solved in no time flat.
Take for instance, my house. It will be a horrible mess and I will wake up in the morning, knowing that it needs cleaned. First I have to "wake up" before I do anything so I drink my coffee, watch the news, stretch, get dressed...whatever for about half an hour, forty five minutes. Then I take my medicine and of course need another half an hour to let it "kick in". Then once it is kicked in and my mind "working" I sit down and make a list of things that I need to do, then I make lists within lists and so on and so on. By then I look at the clock and freak when I see that three hours has passed and I have accomplished nothing. I then grab my trusty lists and re-work them to make up for the time I lost making lists. Once that is complete I get up and get to work on the first task, making short work of it. But then my medicine has worn off...time for another dose....time to wait for it to kick in....damn it, time for the boys to get home. Now I spend the rest of the night in a bad mood AGONIZING over all of the stuff that I didn't do only to start it all over the next day...another list...another war within my head.
I wish that I knew how to take care of the problem...I suppose admitting that I have it is the first step...go me.
I suppose that this post is going nowhere...just needed to rant I guess. Perhaps instead of spiraling into depression tonight I will do something constructive...surf the web at least and see if I can find a cure for my particular "issue".
